She didn’t hear from him again – until 13 years later. That’s how long it had taken him to separate from his wife – probably something to do with the kids being old enough to handle a divorce, in his eyes. It was as if they’d met yesterday, they got married fairly quickly and have now lived together happily for 10 years…

Personally though I find it dangerous to hold on to hope that something will work out in future. If you’ve just broken up it’s comforting, but holding on to an idea closes you to other options. Again, if someone’s really right for you, whether you’ve met them already or not, they will cross your path (again). You sort of have to trust fate : )

bah. the fairy tales. i’m writing an anti-fairy-tale manifesto at the moment… i swear there is something even better than fairy tales.

hey, good luck everyone.

@Mia: Sage advice from her but I can empathise entirely with hating to hear it! Personally I blame romantic movies and literature for imbuing me with such expectations (ok, only slightly). A case of perhaps knowing one thing, but feeling another from time to time? I am a lot less like this than I used to be however. I guess we have to keep such wisdom in the forefront of our minds in order to live in line with it.

@Oyster: Agreeing with Mia here. Even from the first date I think you know deep down whether it is worth taking further (you may even have the spark if you’re lucky). It wouldn’t really feel right on a deeper level if those imperfections (“flaws”) happened to contradict some of your core values. For example, you’re ambitious but the guy is quite the opposite. You’re energetic and like to get out, but the guy is lazy and likes to stay at home all the time. It seems to me that it’s important to know yourself well enough to know what you need in a relationship (similar to what Mia said – trust your intuition). Perhaps if you’re hoping someone can change significantly, you may already be settling for less?

I find it interesting that Mia mentioned the “it can’t have been the right person or time for you”. I wonder if it’s possible that someone it didn’t work out with previously, could be suitable in another period in your life? Having seen relationships fail over seemingly long distance alone, I suppose so.

Maybe it’d help not to set standards, not judge people, and instead trust that your intuition will know what’s right to do when the situation comes. That way you’ll stay *relaxed* and open to unexpected little miracles. (And yes, exercise patience – but don’t put up with crap.)

If you’d really met that almost perfect guy, you’d be with him now. If the pull wasn’t strong enough to reach through all those thoughts, it can’t have been the right person or time for you.

Hopefully all that doesn’t sound too fatalistic!

Sometimes I can’t help but think that I might have missed it with that almost perfect guy(s)…cos I thought I shouldn’t be settled for less.

I gave her that promise. It really ruins first dates. ; ) She then gave me even better advice – “Don’t let yourself get so emotionally carried away that it turns into a fantasy. And don’t be so attached that you can’t be happy on your own. It isn’t healthy to think that you always need to be together.” No other person is going to make everything okay, at least not for very long. An unabashed romantic up to that point, I hated that advice… but hey, I’m happier for it.